Friday, August 29, 2008
A Long Way Down
So if you really want to hear about it, you probably want to know about the load that I'm gonna pen in the next few minutes. This is gonna be top secret, so I suggest you turn off the lights, come a little closer and keep whatever I'm going to write, all to yourself. However, if you just had a heavy night snack, I suggest you probably want to do something else other than messing up your stomach silly by reading completely utter bollocks.
In fact I say, things have been ticking along quite fine the last couple of weeks. Not particularly swell, but just fine.
For example, Man Utd got their first win, and at Fratton park, to make things sweeter.
Secondly, my sister got made the cut to perform in her elementary violin class.
Thirdly, I've been working at my dad's company for the pass few weeks. Tiring. But swell pay, so its all good.
Fourth, one of the china workers commented that my chinese was good.
Lastly, although I don't talk much to her, I still think of her a lot.
So maybe if you really want to hear about it again, you probably want to know me. But then, looking at what I've written so far, you probably guessed some.
Firstly, you would have guessed I like Nick Hornby's novels, because my style of writing is similar to him which make me a copycat which means I have no originality.
Then, you would have guess that I love Manchester United a lot and Porstmouth can go take the wank. Well done.
You would then think that I am so happy for my sister. It probably means that she's just going to spend more hours on the violin and into the wee hours of the morning. Great.
And what about Chinese as my favourite language. Nope. English is my best, but I speak more chinese so its really good to be complimented, unless you think I might be the sort where every china worker in the company takes me to one side and compliment on my language.
And besides, you dont have to be a genius to figure that "her" is a girl that means something to me.
So I worry that if you had not figure anything about me since the start of the entry, I hope I aint as complicated as a person you think I am.
So you see, I'm as a normal person as you are. I have a job, a passion, and there is girl to sweep my feet off.
So whats the deal, the top secret.
Okay let me explain. My dad has 2 older brothers, and an elder sister, which make him the youngest in his family.
So the oldest brother, who is my uncle, is married, no kids.
The second oldest, who is also my uncle, in case you didnt know. Swell bloke, but not married.
Now the elder sister, who is my auntie. A little crazy, not married as well.
So which leaves my dad, which explains why my sister and I are here.
So in any case you havent figured it out, I'm the remaining boy who carries the Tan family name.
Which means, I have a fuckin' fuckin' fuckin' huge burden on me, because I'm the only one left to continue my generation.
So in conclusion, I'm a rare species man.
So in any case, if something happens to me, its up to all my friends to bust their ass in cover for me. Its your job to make sure I live long enough to do what I have to do.
So in anyway, I expect you guys to jump in front of me to take a bullet. Its for your own good.
So if by any chance, I spit into your drink, or piss into your soup, or stole your candy when I was a kid or shot you in the arse during my past life or done anything to make you hate me,
You probably want me extinct.
I already see wanted signs of me hanging all over the world. Here's your chance to wipe me out.
As of now, there's probably a ninja climbing up my block of flats now.
I think I am classified under endangered species right now, and I refused to be taken to labs for scientific research.
So to summarise, I am a nice, normal boy with a big task ahead, hahahaha.
Its 3am now. I hope for those who had heed my advice and turn away, you probably at this sentence now. Haha, serve you right, waste your 5 mins.
You've come to the end of the post. Remember, this is highly confidential. So please keep it to yourself. You may switch on the lights again.
But anyway, what a post.
I'm having a laugh.
8/29/2008
